My faith went to a whole different level when I joined my first Men's Group. At first I was skeptical of what it was. I was put at ease when, as I showed up for the first meeting, I was handed a frothy beverage straight out of the keg. Now, while some people may see an issue with that, we will leave that topic for a another time. I think the one who started this group went about it the right way. There was roughly 6 of us and each knew at least 2 of the other men in the group. We were between 25 and 50 years of age. It really was a good mix, we all had different backgrounds and stories.
The first night we met it was about getting to a comfort level. The purpose was for us to open up about our backgrounds so that everyone would know where we were coming from and what we expected to get out of the Men's Group. The backgrounds ranged from a Youth Pastor, a new Christian, a gentleman struggling to connect with his wife, a gentleman who had reconnected with his wife, a newly married man. Our first study was John Eldridge's Wild at Heart DVD series. John's group has a way of stirring something inside of you that wants to come alive. He talks adventure and the freedom it brings to really know how God made us.
That group of men over time became brothers to me. One's that I could open up to and talk about my struggles and my faults. There was no judgement, no one pointing fingers, no one telling me how I was going about it the wrong way. What I did have was people help me walk through what I was feeling and what was the root of the problem. As my friend always said, the issue is never the issue. There is normally something deeper that is causing the struggle.
The biggest lie we all believe is that we can handle this alone. I can't tell you how many times I said "I can handle this myself". Only to fall flat on my face time and time again. Our ego tends to keep us away from actually becoming close to other guys. Time for us to overcome our pride and realize that Jesus doesn't want us in this battle alone. We were meant to have warriors by our side.
Today, my band of brothers are over 3 hours away. I moved away to be closer to extended family and as I have mentioned before, I do love my current church. Before I moved, I was motivated. I bought the Wild at Heart DVD series and I was ready to come back here and have another band of brothers. That was a year ago, and I haven't gotten any closer today than I was then. I have agreed with the lies that I am too busy, other guys wouldn't be interested, and you aren't capable of leading other men. Well its about time I stand up and take charge. Those lies don't come from God, they come from Satan.
The reason I stress the importance of a Men's Group is because I have firsthand seen what it can do to shape a man. I also know how easily it is to not be a part of one and turn a blind eye to any struggles I am currently going through. I just ask that you give it a shot. There are some great groups out there if you look. Between Ransomed Heart Ministries (http://www.ransomedheart.com/) or The Samson Society (http://samsonsociety.ning.com/), hopefully there is one in your area. If not, grab Wild at Heart and a couple buddies and see what happens. Worst thing, nothing stirs in you to be better, but the Best thing is your life could be changed forever, and for the benefit of your family.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Garage Sale - Getting Rid of the Junk!!
So today was our town's Annual Garage Sale. Anyone can participate and it gives an opportunity to "unload" a bunch of stuff we no longer use. Seeing how I got up a 5am to finish setting up, I had a lot of time to think as I was organizing and pricing. I know this is dangerous, but I decided to dive into it a little bit.
How great would it be for us to have an Annual Spiritual Garage Sale. A day where it is okay for us to "unload" our baggage to someone else. It's the end of the day and we see what we have been able to get rid of, and we feel accomplished. Why is it so hard for us to dig into the corners of ourselves and find what has been lurking there and bring it out? Why can't we just talk about what has been "collecting dust" and weighing us down? While we all know we can talk to Jesus about what weighs us down, sometimes we need a little more. James 5:16 NIV says "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
I find that there are many reasons we don't go "there". Whether it is Shame, Guilt, or just pure Denial, we find it easier to keep it within. In essence, we are becoming a "hoarder". A hoarder is defined as someone who keeps a stock of valued objects, typically one that is secret or carefully guarded. While it would be great to have a Single Garage Sale day where we could just release all the baggage and not have any of those feelings that hold us back. To be free at the end of the day and much "lighter". The thing is, we need more than just 1 day a year to address these things, and we are have to be able to let go of whatever it is we are clinging to so tightly. Find someone who you can talk to and experience what it means to be rid of the baggage. You see, the devil clings to our baggage, and if we let it go, he has nothing to hold on to.
The other side of the coin would be how can you help take that baggage from a friend? How many times to do we avoid talking about what is hurting a friend? Why doesn't your friend confide in you? Maybe, he just needs to hear that you won't pose judgement, that you also have baggage. It may start, with you having to go first and let him know that you are not afraid to bring to light what you have kept in the dark. For how can someone be willing to share with you, if you are unwilling to do the same. It is scary and it gives me anxiety because I also have the fear of being judged. But then I remember, fear is a tactic of the devil and I will not let the devil cling to anymore of my baggage.
I am having a Spiritual Garage Sale, and it is open 24/7, 365.
How great would it be for us to have an Annual Spiritual Garage Sale. A day where it is okay for us to "unload" our baggage to someone else. It's the end of the day and we see what we have been able to get rid of, and we feel accomplished. Why is it so hard for us to dig into the corners of ourselves and find what has been lurking there and bring it out? Why can't we just talk about what has been "collecting dust" and weighing us down? While we all know we can talk to Jesus about what weighs us down, sometimes we need a little more. James 5:16 NIV says "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
I find that there are many reasons we don't go "there". Whether it is Shame, Guilt, or just pure Denial, we find it easier to keep it within. In essence, we are becoming a "hoarder". A hoarder is defined as someone who keeps a stock of valued objects, typically one that is secret or carefully guarded. While it would be great to have a Single Garage Sale day where we could just release all the baggage and not have any of those feelings that hold us back. To be free at the end of the day and much "lighter". The thing is, we need more than just 1 day a year to address these things, and we are have to be able to let go of whatever it is we are clinging to so tightly. Find someone who you can talk to and experience what it means to be rid of the baggage. You see, the devil clings to our baggage, and if we let it go, he has nothing to hold on to.
The other side of the coin would be how can you help take that baggage from a friend? How many times to do we avoid talking about what is hurting a friend? Why doesn't your friend confide in you? Maybe, he just needs to hear that you won't pose judgement, that you also have baggage. It may start, with you having to go first and let him know that you are not afraid to bring to light what you have kept in the dark. For how can someone be willing to share with you, if you are unwilling to do the same. It is scary and it gives me anxiety because I also have the fear of being judged. But then I remember, fear is a tactic of the devil and I will not let the devil cling to anymore of my baggage.
I am having a Spiritual Garage Sale, and it is open 24/7, 365.
Friday, October 4, 2013
How to be a better Christian Dad, Find a Mentor.
I found that I began to be a better father and husband when I was around other dads who had experienced what I was currently going through. It is amazing where and how you find a Mentor. I met mine through playing Church League Softball. While, my mentor was roughly 10 years older than me, there was actually a lot in common between the two of us. It was my mentor who started the Men's Group that has since shaped my faith.
The importance of a Mentor is more powerful than any book or blog. You see, it takes conversation and emotion for words to have an impact. As our Men's Group became more honest, we all began to share our struggles and experiences. It was then that I realized that I could learn a lot from someone who probably wouldn't consider himself a mentor. To me, I needed someone who had been through what I was going through. I was just beginning to learn what it meant to be a Christian Dad and Husband. To be able to pick up a phone at anytime and have a conversation, was invaluable.
I quickly want to point out that a Mentor should not be someone who constantly holds you accountable for your actions. While it is good to have someone know your struggles, it doesn't help for them to play traffic cop. What really needs to happen is that there needs to be real and honest communication trying to find the root of the problem. Example, I don't like confrontation and when I get in a fight, I just shut down. Now, when I talk to someone about that, they may indicate that I need to learn to not be pushed around and stand my ground for what I believe in, which is good advice, but in my opinion it is not the only advice. The real questions I should addressing is why do I retreat during confrontation? Could it be when I was younger and got in verbal fights, I always said the wrong thing and ended up making the situation worse? Or could it be that I had an older brother who was always right and made sure I never won an argument? Both of those could be the reason I don't try to either stand up for my thoughts and beliefs. Finding the root of the issue is more important than the issue.
A strong reason why it is important to find a Mentor and engage with him constantly, is because you are a Mentor to your children. Whether you have agreed to be or not, they look up to you and they see more than you think. I am amazed at how alike my Father and I am. My wife tells me everyday that I act just like my Dad, sometimes that is a good thing, sometimes its not. When I think about being a Mentor to my children, I get scared. Do I really want my children growing up and being spitting images of me? I ask that you take some time and reflect on how you act around your children, both when you are engaging with them and when you are not. What signals are you sending your child/children? Love? Inpatient? Compassion? Acceptance? Take some time looking through your child/children's eyes and see if you are happy with what you see, or if you think you could be better. I know I can be better, I want to be better. Do you?
The importance of a Mentor is more powerful than any book or blog. You see, it takes conversation and emotion for words to have an impact. As our Men's Group became more honest, we all began to share our struggles and experiences. It was then that I realized that I could learn a lot from someone who probably wouldn't consider himself a mentor. To me, I needed someone who had been through what I was going through. I was just beginning to learn what it meant to be a Christian Dad and Husband. To be able to pick up a phone at anytime and have a conversation, was invaluable.
I quickly want to point out that a Mentor should not be someone who constantly holds you accountable for your actions. While it is good to have someone know your struggles, it doesn't help for them to play traffic cop. What really needs to happen is that there needs to be real and honest communication trying to find the root of the problem. Example, I don't like confrontation and when I get in a fight, I just shut down. Now, when I talk to someone about that, they may indicate that I need to learn to not be pushed around and stand my ground for what I believe in, which is good advice, but in my opinion it is not the only advice. The real questions I should addressing is why do I retreat during confrontation? Could it be when I was younger and got in verbal fights, I always said the wrong thing and ended up making the situation worse? Or could it be that I had an older brother who was always right and made sure I never won an argument? Both of those could be the reason I don't try to either stand up for my thoughts and beliefs. Finding the root of the issue is more important than the issue.
A strong reason why it is important to find a Mentor and engage with him constantly, is because you are a Mentor to your children. Whether you have agreed to be or not, they look up to you and they see more than you think. I am amazed at how alike my Father and I am. My wife tells me everyday that I act just like my Dad, sometimes that is a good thing, sometimes its not. When I think about being a Mentor to my children, I get scared. Do I really want my children growing up and being spitting images of me? I ask that you take some time and reflect on how you act around your children, both when you are engaging with them and when you are not. What signals are you sending your child/children? Love? Inpatient? Compassion? Acceptance? Take some time looking through your child/children's eyes and see if you are happy with what you see, or if you think you could be better. I know I can be better, I want to be better. Do you?
Thursday, October 3, 2013
My First Blog and My Background
As this is my first blog, I feel that it is important for those who read it to know my background and where I came from. I grew up in a small midwest town with 2 brothers and loving parents. I attended the Catholic Church regularly, although I would grow to find that something was missing in my faith.
I met my wife while I was a Senior in high school and she was a Sophomore. She grew up in a Baptist Church and was involved in Bible Studies and Small Groups, many things that I was very unfamiliar with. We were able to make it through college staying together and roughly a year after I graduated, I had proposed. At that point, we knew that we had to make a decision about our faith and where we wanted to hear God's message. She surely didn't want to become Catholic and I hadn't had the best experiences at her Baptist Church either. We decided that we would find a non-denominational church that focused on the Bible as it cornerstone doctrine.
Shortly after we were married, work moved us out of state to where we had to really begin to rely on each other, because there was no one else we knew around. It really was great for our marriage to have only each other and learn to work out our differences. We began Church shopping and the first one, was just too big for us. It was held in a large auditorium of a church with 1000 people at the service. We were small town midwest people and this was definitely outside of our comfort zone. The next church was a Church of Christ with a membership population of roughly 300-400 people. It was perfect.
Now, going to Sunday School classes was something I hadn't done since High School in the Catholic Church. So I was hesitant and very reserved at first. We also joined a small group that met once a week with other couples from the church. This all was brand new to me and I wasn't sure how I felt about it at the time. Initially, I didn't believe I knew enough Scripture or had a strong enough Faith to participate. My fears began to slowly drop as I realized that there was no judgment and we were all there to learn together. It felt good to express my interpretation of the readings we did.
The first major impact in my faith came when I read, Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. This book opened my eyes to what I had been missing all of my life. I never had a direct relationship with God. I was used to confessing my sins to a Pastor, not to God. My heart began to come alive with wanting to learn more.
In the Spring of 2009, I was baptized again. This time, it was my choice, for the first time was as an infant in the Catholic Church. My parents and in-laws were present along with my wife to witness my spiritual transformation. While my parents didn't fully understand, they were there to support, for which I am grateful. Just a couple months later my first daughter was born. I know started to embrace the term "Spiritual Leader". I accepted the responsibility to lead my family in their walk of faith.
In 2010, I was approached by a group of guys who were starting a Men's Study Group. Because I knew a few of the guys, I figured I would check it out and give it a try. Little did I know that this would take my faith to a whole other level. My friend who started the group indicated that he had been through this Men's Study before and it changed his life. The Study was from John Eldredge and the book/video series was Wild At Heart. John Eldredge has since become my favorite author and he seems to understand the masculine heart and what we yearn for. ADVENTURE!!! It is how we were made, it is what makes our hearts come ALIVE!! I am sure I will get into more depth in later blog posts, but it had too big of an impact in my faith, not to mention it.
Fast forward to 2013 and we have moved back to our hometown and are back around our extended family. We have found a church and are beginning the process of starting a Small Group. I have a passion now to share my story as well as what I have learned along the way. I am far from perfect, and I need this blog as much of a reminder for myself of things I should be doing.
Thank you for reading my story and I look forward to sharing more shortly.
I met my wife while I was a Senior in high school and she was a Sophomore. She grew up in a Baptist Church and was involved in Bible Studies and Small Groups, many things that I was very unfamiliar with. We were able to make it through college staying together and roughly a year after I graduated, I had proposed. At that point, we knew that we had to make a decision about our faith and where we wanted to hear God's message. She surely didn't want to become Catholic and I hadn't had the best experiences at her Baptist Church either. We decided that we would find a non-denominational church that focused on the Bible as it cornerstone doctrine.
Shortly after we were married, work moved us out of state to where we had to really begin to rely on each other, because there was no one else we knew around. It really was great for our marriage to have only each other and learn to work out our differences. We began Church shopping and the first one, was just too big for us. It was held in a large auditorium of a church with 1000 people at the service. We were small town midwest people and this was definitely outside of our comfort zone. The next church was a Church of Christ with a membership population of roughly 300-400 people. It was perfect.
Now, going to Sunday School classes was something I hadn't done since High School in the Catholic Church. So I was hesitant and very reserved at first. We also joined a small group that met once a week with other couples from the church. This all was brand new to me and I wasn't sure how I felt about it at the time. Initially, I didn't believe I knew enough Scripture or had a strong enough Faith to participate. My fears began to slowly drop as I realized that there was no judgment and we were all there to learn together. It felt good to express my interpretation of the readings we did.
The first major impact in my faith came when I read, Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. This book opened my eyes to what I had been missing all of my life. I never had a direct relationship with God. I was used to confessing my sins to a Pastor, not to God. My heart began to come alive with wanting to learn more.
In the Spring of 2009, I was baptized again. This time, it was my choice, for the first time was as an infant in the Catholic Church. My parents and in-laws were present along with my wife to witness my spiritual transformation. While my parents didn't fully understand, they were there to support, for which I am grateful. Just a couple months later my first daughter was born. I know started to embrace the term "Spiritual Leader". I accepted the responsibility to lead my family in their walk of faith.
In 2010, I was approached by a group of guys who were starting a Men's Study Group. Because I knew a few of the guys, I figured I would check it out and give it a try. Little did I know that this would take my faith to a whole other level. My friend who started the group indicated that he had been through this Men's Study before and it changed his life. The Study was from John Eldredge and the book/video series was Wild At Heart. John Eldredge has since become my favorite author and he seems to understand the masculine heart and what we yearn for. ADVENTURE!!! It is how we were made, it is what makes our hearts come ALIVE!! I am sure I will get into more depth in later blog posts, but it had too big of an impact in my faith, not to mention it.
Fast forward to 2013 and we have moved back to our hometown and are back around our extended family. We have found a church and are beginning the process of starting a Small Group. I have a passion now to share my story as well as what I have learned along the way. I am far from perfect, and I need this blog as much of a reminder for myself of things I should be doing.
Thank you for reading my story and I look forward to sharing more shortly.
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