I found that I began to be a better father and husband when I was around other dads who had experienced what I was currently going through. It is amazing where and how you find a Mentor. I met mine through playing Church League Softball. While, my mentor was roughly 10 years older than me, there was actually a lot in common between the two of us. It was my mentor who started the Men's Group that has since shaped my faith.
The importance of a Mentor is more powerful than any book or blog. You see, it takes conversation and emotion for words to have an impact. As our Men's Group became more honest, we all began to share our struggles and experiences. It was then that I realized that I could learn a lot from someone who probably wouldn't consider himself a mentor. To me, I needed someone who had been through what I was going through. I was just beginning to learn what it meant to be a Christian Dad and Husband. To be able to pick up a phone at anytime and have a conversation, was invaluable.
I quickly want to point out that a Mentor should not be someone who constantly holds you accountable for your actions. While it is good to have someone know your struggles, it doesn't help for them to play traffic cop. What really needs to happen is that there needs to be real and honest communication trying to find the root of the problem. Example, I don't like confrontation and when I get in a fight, I just shut down. Now, when I talk to someone about that, they may indicate that I need to learn to not be pushed around and stand my ground for what I believe in, which is good advice, but in my opinion it is not the only advice. The real questions I should addressing is why do I retreat during confrontation? Could it be when I was younger and got in verbal fights, I always said the wrong thing and ended up making the situation worse? Or could it be that I had an older brother who was always right and made sure I never won an argument? Both of those could be the reason I don't try to either stand up for my thoughts and beliefs. Finding the root of the issue is more important than the issue.
A strong reason why it is important to find a Mentor and engage with him constantly, is because you are a Mentor to your children. Whether you have agreed to be or not, they look up to you and they see more than you think. I am amazed at how alike my Father and I am. My wife tells me everyday that I act just like my Dad, sometimes that is a good thing, sometimes its not. When I think about being a Mentor to my children, I get scared. Do I really want my children growing up and being spitting images of me? I ask that you take some time and reflect on how you act around your children, both when you are engaging with them and when you are not. What signals are you sending your child/children? Love? Inpatient? Compassion? Acceptance? Take some time looking through your child/children's eyes and see if you are happy with what you see, or if you think you could be better. I know I can be better, I want to be better. Do you?
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